To set the scene, now that Johnboy has a GT Diesel, i thought he could make use of the patterns i used to use to make the Intercooler Hard Pipes for the JTD's with, and as it turns out, it won't be long before he will indeed be needing something doing, so yesterday i got to wrapping this selection of steel sections up and booking the courier via UK Mail.
To say that it was an awkward shape parcel was an understatement, ends of pipe threatening to burst through the cling film, lumps and bumps all over it, and rather heavy and cumbersome too, so when i got to the online booking section regards the contents of the parcel, i simply couldn't resist the opportunity to land JB in a little embarrassment at least, maybe an awkward conversation with Mrs JB as a bonus! So the contents were labeled as "XXL Barbed Butt Plugs"!
Well, he is J.Butt, sole employee of Butt Plug Trials afterall so what else would it be!
Imagine the giggles and sniggles of the vast and various amount of delivery staff that think JB is about to receive a box of huge latex bum toys, a good and heavy selection for the weekend sir!
The smile was wiped off my face however, when the van pulled onto the drive and out jumped the driver with his digital sign pad in one hand, and i can only think he was counting his change with the other hand firmly deep into his pocket, i started to get a funny feeling
"UK Mail collection" i asked, marching up the drive to meet him, proud of my prank with the bulbous parcel under my arms,
"Yes, XXL Barbed Butt Plugs isn't it?" he asked
"Ha Ha Ha!" its working i thought, everyone is going to see it, and know what JB does for real instead of pretending to be a hero waterskier!
I passed him the parcel, and he pushed the sign pad towards me in exchange,
he seemed to linger with the parcel a little, i think he was trying to get a feel for JB's weekend ahead, but at least his hands were now visible and the pocket fumbling had stopped,
i finished signing, and looked back up at his now very different face as he was having had a good solo pass the parcel grope of the hidden contents,
his face now wore a smerky kind of grin, it was hard to describe, a little unnerving smile, probably how i look feigning handsome good looks when drunk, a bit closer to scarey than Magnum Pi,
he took a couple of small steps closer, i thought he was going to kiss me or something but he stopped short of that, but instead he quietly uttered the words i shall never forget,
"They don't feel much like the Butt Plugs i know!"
I needed one myself right there and then, i sh1t myself!
he calmly turned round, walked back to his rental van, in his best victorious Clint Eastwood following a gunfight fashion, casual, sauntering, confident in the knowledge he'd just slayed me good and proper, but then as he pulled his large unwashed uniformed body up into the van seat i got a little turn round, with that unnerving smile / grimmace he gave me earlier, and i swear he winked!
now he has an entirely different opinion on what i might make or do in the garage doesn't he.
He pulled off the drive slowly, meandering a little even on the straight bit because i'm sure he was checking me out in his mirrors instead of paying attention to where he was going, but all he'd have seen was me jogging back to the safety of the workshop, surrounded by power tools and metal instruments, the man shed, there there Shrew, safe again!
If you get half the emabarassment i got from my own prank JB, it'll be a success worth suffering for, but unless you tell me otherwise, i'm afraid i just stitched myself up a right kipparrrr!
you fucker 
